Coping with rejection in dating

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When your self-esteem takes a hit it’s important to remind yourself of what you have to offer (as opposed to listing your shortcomings).

The best way to boost feelings of self-worth after a rejection is to affirm aspects of yourself you know are valuable.

Rejection destabilizes our need to belong, leaving us feeling unsettled and socially untethered.

The good news is there are better and healthier ways to respond to rejection, things we can do to curb the unhealthy responses, soothe our emotional pain and rebuild our self-esteem.

When our spouse leaves us, when we get fired from our jobs, snubbed by our friends, or ostracized by our families and communities for our lifestyle choices, the pain we feel can be absolutely paralyzing.

Whether the rejection we experience is large or small, one thing remains constant — it always hurts, and it usually hurts more than we expect it to. Why are we so bothered by a good friend failing to “like” the family holiday picture we posted on Facebook? Why would something so seemingly insignificant make us feel angry at our friend, moody, and bad about ourselves?

Make a list of five qualities you have that are important or meaningful — things that make you a good relationship prospect (e.g., you are supportive or emotionally available), a good friend (e.g., you are loyal or a good listener), or a good employee (e.g., you are responsible or have a strong work ethic).

Then choose one of them and write a quick paragraph or two (write, don’t just do it in your head) about why the quality matters to others, and how you would express it in the relevant situation.

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