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But almost immediately, he began talking about how he wanted to hook up with others. I feel tremendous guilt for even thinking about splitting up, so I keep hoping we'll stumble on the thing that will work for us.I don't know what to say when he says I should be monogamous to him while he gets to hook up with others. Gay Marriage Having Crisis I've written about a few gay couples—and a few straight ones—where one half gets to hook up with others while the other half doesn't.But if they don't, GMHC, neither of you is going to have a problem finding a new partner.He can get himself a guy who likes being dictated to, if that's really what he wants. If your therapist is taking your husband's side in this, GMHC, get a new therapist.So with your couples therapist there to mediate, tell him your marriage is either open or closed.You're not interested in being his cuckold and he can't point to his trauma to force you into that role.You're a handsome couple—thanks for enclosing the lovely picture (sometimes it's nice to see the face of the person I'm responding to!

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The cuck half of a cuckold couple gets off on their partner "cheating" on them.Which means it's both ultimatum and bluff-calling time.So long as your husband thinks he can dictate terms by pointing to his triggers and his trauma, GMHC, he has every incentive to continue being triggered and traumatized.So long as those desires are consciously eroticized, fully compartmentalized, and safely expressed, you could have done everything you wanted, ASSHOLE, without harming anyone. It seems like you want out, and your wife definitely deserves better, so cop to one affair, since copping to all of them would crush her—or so you think. I made an open relationship a requirement at the start.People are often way more resilient than we give them credit for, and convincing ourselves that our partners can't handle the truth is often a convenient justification for lying to them. While my husband had jealousy and trust issues, he hooked up with others regularly.

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